Doff Thy Name
by LionessInTheSmoke
Summary: The young Galahad is given a less than subtle push in the direction statistics say will lead him to a long(er) and (much) happier life. Arguing with any incarnation of Merlin is a pointless endeavour anyway. Warning for internalized homophobia.


**AN** \- Harry is young here and he has only been a Kingsman a couple of years longer than 'Gareth', he is still a long way from the self-confident Galahad of the film. **Warning** for internalized homophobia.

* * *

Sometimes Harry dreamed of Merlin. Generally, when he was already feeling guilty about something.

Harry's moral compass was extremely finely tuned, having not only been subjected to 'chapel' daily and thoroughly indoctrinated with the British ideal of 'fair play' during 'games', but also taught the ethics of the greatest Roman and Greek philosophers. He honestly had no idea of how he would have turned out had his parents been forced to do some actual parenting, rather than handing him straight off to the recommended nanny and then sending him away to school. Most days he thinks, despite the problems their solution has left him with in the relationships department, they probably made the least damaging decision for all concerned. With adult hindsight, his childhood had had the potential for going extremely Jane Eyre.

As a child, Harry had desperately wanted to be a 'good' boy, in the hope of pleasing his parents, his nanny, his teachers, his classmates. Nothing much had changed as he grew up. He still wanted to be 'good' because he wanted to be liked (or even better, loved, but he had difficulty unbuttoning enough to admit that even to himself) and he was very conflicted about the fact that certain things about him meant that he was intrinsically not 'good'.

No matter how hard he had tried not to, Harry liked men. Harry was charming to everyone he met of course, he had been raised (at no small expense) to be a gentleman, and he was more than capable of seducing any mark he was given, but Harry enjoyed seducing men, and following through on the seduction. Harry committed the sin of sodomy with great enthusiasm whenever he was given the opportunity.

And the burden of guilt ... Harry often felt it weighing on him acutely and then ...

The short, scary woman, with the short, scary temper and the handbag that had obviously been designed using some kind of secret black-hole technology (that she had probably invented herself), and which she was clearly aching for an excuse to thump someone with, would be there to give him a good ticking off. Harry would then be forced to self-consciously check the length of his trousers. If they had mysteriously shrunk, then he was dreaming.

If they hadn't, well that was unfortunate. And he would need to keep a weather eye on the handbag.

Merlin had never said anything one way or the other about her opinion of his perversion, which was confusing because she was extremely vocal about Harry's enthusiasm for blowing things up and burning things down. She found _that_ quite excessive and attention-seeking. Sometimes she was right, and Harry knew she was right and he would find himself checking the length of his trousers.

Usually twice. Once during Merlin's bollocking when he was debriefed and once during the sub-conscious bollocking he give himself in his sleep.

So when Merlin called a meeting and announced she was retiring because she was 'tired of the insubordinate lot of them', the first thing Harry did was check the length of his trousers. Navy with a subtle pinstripe all the way down to his shoes. Not dreaming.

The short woman gave them a second to let the information settle before she continued.

"The quicker of those present will have already concluded that as Gareth is not present, nor connected remotely, the likelihood of him being my replacement is high."

Harry had noticed that Kingsman's youngest, and only Scottish, agent was absent, but as he could have been in deep cover, or in the infirmary, or otherwise off the grid as occasionally happened, he had not thought further on it. Harry was not stupid and he certainly wasn't unobservant, but if he did not have to think about a thing, he generally preferred not to. He often found that if he just stayed quiet for long enough, someone gave him the answer. It had been his tactic at school too unless directly called on, because he didn't want to be accused of being a teacher's pet (even if some of the younger teachers had been tempting).

"You would be correct in that calculation." Merlin confirmed and looked down the table at the five agents in the room. "I can actually hear some of you thinking. It's painful." She said with a frown, looking straight at Percival. "But most of you have not joined the dots yet, so I will level the field. Gareth steps down from active duty later today. Once he takes up the support position of Archimedes, the fraternization rules for the field will no longer apply to him."

Harry blinked and made sure to keep his face neutral as he checked his trousers again. Still not dreaming!

But Gareth! Tall, handsome, intelligent Gareth with his beautiful burr and his quick, sarcastic wit (and excitingly proportioned nose) was going to be fair game! That absolutely was a dream come true. One likely to have sticky bed sheets as an embarrassing consequence at some point. Harry pinched himself, out of sight under the table, in case the trouser trick had suddenly stopped working somehow.

"Hmmm. And now you all have that information, make sure you listen very carefully to what I am about to say. None of you is to approach him for the year that he is in training to take my place. It is going to be a mentally and emotionally exhausting time for him and what none of you needs is any of your lives to be in the hands of a distracted handler. Remember it could be your life. So, whilst technically he is now available, if I see so much as a hat tipped at him this year, and I will be watching very closely, the agent concerned will find themselves a very long way away, for a very long time, doing extremely valuable surveillance on exceedingly boring targets, in the most flea-infested pit I can find."

She paused again to make eye contact with all five agents present. Harry fought to keep a pleasantly interested look on his face. He could wait a year. He absolutely could be good for a year. He would be so good that Merlin would have no reason to be angry with him in front of Gareth.

He could, and _would_ _!_ , even make sure he had permission to blow things up _before_ he did it.

"The second thing I wish to say on the matter is this, if you are not attracted to him, then be fair enough to both of you not to approach him once I have left either. I know it is difficult to find and keep a partner in this line of work, but you all deserve a partner who you can be entirely honest with and using him because he is an easy option is not on, even if you could convince him for any length of time, which I highly doubt because the boy is sharp as a tack, hence him being the one in line to take over my entirely thankless job."

Merlin looked round the room again, then gave a nod.

"Good. Have your candidates for Gareth's chair at the manor by 9am Friday. Dismissed." She said firmly.

Harry pushed back his seat and stood. He needed to go and find some tea, fortify it with something strong and expensive; and then take it to have a good long think somewhere quiet. Then he would probably need to let some pressure off, one way or another.

"Galahad, a moment." Merlin cut off his escape and had him automatically checking his trousers again.

Stay behind after class Hart ...

Bollocks.

He honestly could not think of anything he had done wrong recently that would require a dressing down.

"Ma'am."

"Sit down Galahad, you are much too tall." Merlin said and took a seat herself as well.

She looked Harry over closely, deciding how to say what she wanted and Harry was politely and attentively silent.

"Harry, you need to think very hard about this." She said, reminding him strongly of his careers adviser. "I've watched you work with him and I know you are half way gone on him already. He is completely oblivious to your interest, and anyone else's as he has a rather low opinion of himself in the area. You will need to win him round, and you will have competition."

"Ma'am, are you encouraging me to pursue him?" Harry asked, because it paid to make absolutely sure when you are suddenly being told the opposite of what authority figures have told you your entire life.

"The numbers say you are the best match. They also say people who have something to live for, generally live longer. You need to be settled before you take yourself out in a flash of completely unnecessary, and no doubt glorious, heroics and he needs someone who will not be intimidated by the IQ gap." She looked at him over her glasses, waiting until she had full eye contact before continuing. "The fraternization rules as they stand are not what I would wish and society has no right to judge you based on who you choose to love."

Harry was utterly dumbfounded. He could not get his tongue to form any words because his thoughts refused to order themselves. He kept checking the length of his trousers out of the corner of his eye.

"You poor boy." Merlin said with a genuinely sad look on her face. "You are entirely entitled to be happy and be loved, but before you can expect anyone to love and accept you, you have to accept yourself. Gareth is not a patient man, he has high standards of himself and expects them from others, he dislikes weakness but what he absolutely cannot abide is falseness. You have a year to become comfortable with who and what you are. It is a short time to overcome the programming that you have received, but if you manage it, your life will be immeasurably improved."

"I will try and live up to your expectations Merlin" Harry managed.

"Hmm. That is roughly the response I was expecting." Merlin said and reached into the depths of her dimensions defying handbag. "So I have brought something to help you stay motivated. I know I am asking for a big change in your view of yourself, but this is the reward."

She handed Harry an envelope. It wasn't sealed, so he opened it and removed the contents.

Photographs.

Gareth sat at a workbench with a large screwdriver in his mouth, tinkering with something electronic, shirt sleeves rolled up exposing rarely seen whorls of blue ink, a frown of concentration on his brow.

Gareth being fitted for a suit, looking down at the tailor kneeling at his feet, one eyebrow raised in amusement as the inside leg measurement was being made.

Gareth reading a book in the grounds, a relaxed smile on his face and a sandwich in his spare hand.

Gareth smoking a cigar whilst holding a fan of cards, a large whiskey and larger slide of chips in front of him on the table, poker face perfectly in place.

Gareth holding Gawain to the mat in the gym, a fierce look in his eyes.

Gareth sitting up against a headboard, clearly sated with an undefined shape beside him in the bed...

Harry blushed.

"His last honeypot." Merlin said. "There are more like that. Some of them are ... Rather more candid. I gave his file to Nimue for relocation to his new division just before the meeting. I imagine she has passed the task on by now. If she gave it to Elaine with the rest of the filing, it is probably on a trolley in a hallway somewhere." She raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Elaine is a bit flighty and easily distracted. I am hoping she will settle with time."

"I'm sure she will, as soon as she has found her feet a bit. Learning what her father really does at work must have come as a bit of a shock. Didn't he always insist he was the firm's accountant?" Harry replied, whilst mentally running through the route Elaine would need to take from admin to handling.

"Hmm, we can hope. I have things to do before my new apprentice arrives, and you should be preparing for your next mission." Merlin rose and Harry stood quickly as well.

"Yes, I should go and collect my briefing materials." Harry agreed, slipping the photographs back into the envelope, and the envelope into his pocket. "Off to Rome on Monday, by the look of things." He said, opening the dining room door for Merlin and letting her precede him.

"Good luck, Galahad." Merlin replied, definitely not referring to Rome, and turned in the direction of Arthur's office, leaving the way clear for Harry to head off at a dignified trot to catch the train and attempt to intercept Elaine.

* * *

Admin's newest addition was admiring a Waterhouse when Harry found her. There was just one grey personnel file on the trolley that she had temporarily lost interest in.

"Good morning Elaine." Harry greeted brightly and came to stand beside her.

"Good morning Galahad." Elaine replied with a smile that looked exactly like her father's.

Harry joined her in contemplating the painting.

"You know, when I was in the Marines, I considered going to Christie's once I finished my tour." He said. "I thought it might be nice to have a change of pace."

Elaine laughed.

"Really? Acquisitions? I can't imagine you anywhere else, or you would have been bored stiff within a month."

"Probably." Harry replied. "I didn't say I'd considered it for very long. Mind if I collect my briefing materials? They should be on here somewhere."

"Go ahead." Elaine replied, attention back on the painting. "I think I would rather have been a muse, but I am about 80 years too late."

Harry found his file and hid Gareth's discretely behind it.

"I can't see your father approving of that." Harry said truthfully.

"Not in the slightest. I rather think that is part of the reason I am here, so I am gainfully employed and safely under surveillance." She shrugged. "There are altogether too many artists for his liking in London though."

"I am sure you will settle in. Maybe you would find it easier if you knew that Kingsman does have a rather more extensive art collection than is displayed? Perhaps you could talk to Nimue about becoming involved in that?"

"What a splendid suggestion! Thank you."

"If you want to be on her good side, you should probably be punctual with that." Harry waved at the trolley.

"Are you the right person to be lecturing on punctuality, Galahad?" She asked lightly, but she did click the foot-brake off the wheels and head off down the corridor.

* * *

Harry made his way quickly, but not quickly enough to seem unusual, through the manor to his suite and locked the door carefully behind him.

Rome could definitely wait, the grey Gareth/Archimedes file could not. Not least because he somehow had to get it filed before anyone looked for it. Of course the person most likely to be looking for it would be Merlin, and she would know where it was ...

Harry laid the file out in its component parts and began the process of learning everything Kingsman knew about Rupert Greaves. His family - really, really unique. His life before Kingsman - unusually international. His education - eclectic, ecclesiastical and littered with phases such as 'natural talent' and 'universal genius'. His trial for Gareth - a one horse race. His mission reports - typed, with footnotes. His selection for Archimedes and eventual Merlin - inevitable. His personal research... Extremely interesting.

Gareth, or should he be thinking of him by some other name now? O Rupert, Rupert, wherefore art thou Rupert? Harry rather liked the idea of being one of the (apparently very) few people who knew his real name. It would be dangerous if it slipped out though. He'd have to explain how he knew it. So it was probably best to stick with Archimedes for now.

Archimedes was working on glasses that could record visuals and be used as a communication method. They were apparently a work in progress as the security of the link was still in question. Harry read the information carefully, then decided he was going to bug Archimedes' experiment before he had fixed that problem.

Pleased with his plan, Harry decided to reward himself by having a quick peek at the packet of photos included in, although suspiciously not listed in the contents of, the report on Gareth's last honeypot. They must have been taken using the experimental glasses Harry realized, and therefore printed by Archimedes himself, or, as she had already given him photos, more likely, Merlin.

Oh. Goodness. Well, Archimedes was ...

Quite possibly an exhibitionist. (But then he really had nothing to be shy about.)

Certainly an enthusiastic top.

Absolutely gorgeous.

Taken as a whole - as described by his file, the photos and Harry's experience of the man himself - everything Harry had ever dreamed of.

Harry put the photos back in the envelope and turned it over so he wouldn't be tempted to open it again straight away.

Just as he felt the familiar guilt beginning to rise, forming an uncomfortable knot in his stomach, Harry noticed the note on the the back of the envelope, in Merlin's impatient, spiky hand.

"Not feeling so pure?" followed by a date, time and Harley Street psychologist's address. The appointment was for the day after Harry was due back from Rome.

Harry looked at the note for a very long time. He had liked Gareth before the revelations of the day. Now it was fair to say that he was completely in lust with Archimedes. However, he knew he was not currently the man the new Merlin was going to need by his side. It was a good thing he had a year, two packets of photos for motivation and orders/blessings/support from Merlin, to work on that.

* * *

AN2 - This may be the prelude to (Not) Impressed, but I am not sure if they are exactly the same versions of themselves.

Merlin is being played here by Judi 'A Hand Bag!' Dench, otherwise known as M. She may once have met a timelord.

The Waterhouse being admired actually belongs to a museum near where I live, 'Beautiful Woman Without Mercy' strikes me as a good reminder to avoid enemy honeypots. I am very fond of the pre-Raphaelites and I would sometimes appreciate having a muse rather than all these damned unprofessional plot-bunnies.


End file.
